Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Deciphering doublespeak of new paradigm!
In our new Orwellian world the political Doublespeak language needs a dictionary and Gavin Atkins in the Australian has brilliantly given us one enabling the great unwashed to understand what our political masters are saying!
Now we have a new paradigm, and the language has become much more sophisticated than plain old hyperbole. To help you out, I am proud to present the New Paradigm Dictionary:
New Paradigm: Gillard breaking all her promises.
Old Paradigm: Tony Abbott keeping his promises. See also, wrecker, spawn of Satan.
Polity: A word of unknown meaning, but it is generally agreed we deserve a better one.
A kinder, gentler polity: Being nice to the Independents.
Consensus approach: Agreeing with the Greens.
Divisiveness: Agreeing with Abbott.
Mandate: A moral imperative to represent the views of 12 per cent of voters.
Wrecking: A morally indefensible stance of representing the views of half of all voters.
Playing hardball: Representing the views of Coalition voters. See also treachery/sabotage.
Freeing up funding: When Labor offers to fund hospitals in exchange for independent support.
Constitutional solutions: Offering independent MPs high-
paying jobs in exchange for their support.
Bribes: When the Coalition offers to fund hospitals or offer high-paying jobs to independent MPs in exchange for independent support.
Providing stability: Supporting the least popular party so there will not be another election.
Change politics: The mandate for change in Australian politics, as signified by the 3.9 per cent swing to the Greens.
Protest vote: A 3.4 per cent swing to the National Party, signifying nothing.
Providing certainty: Breaking your promises and supporting the Greens. See also, decency; national interest; civility; working together; showing leadership; quietly getting on with the job;
vision; engaging openly in debate; going through the process.
Creating uncertainty: Saying no to Greens policies.
Consultation process: Getting the opinion of Bob Brown, Rob Oakeshott and Tony Windsor.
Inquiry: Something to call for, following the consultation process, to try and dissuade people from burning Gillard's effigy.
Accepting the parliament Australia voted for: Supporting the Greens.
Independent committee: Handpicked group of people who either support the Greens or are the Greens.
Carbon tax: Something that would never happen under a government led by Gillard four months ago.
Debating it at the ALP conference: A way for Gillard to introduce Greens policies. See, carbon tax, gay marriage.
Achieving community consensus: Not doing anything that
could get you in trouble right
A man with a slogan: What Gillard calls Abbott.
Moving Forward: Gillard's slogan.
Sustainable populations: Any population that re-elects you.
Marriage: The special status of holy matrimony between men and women.
ALP conference: The special period of time when, for participants, all bets are off about the status of marriage.
Transitioning: Something that might change one day, you never know.
Let me be very clear about: I want to sound like I am doing something about . . .
Being in dialogue with East Timor: Being told to bugger off by East Timor.
Last-minute tweaking: Realising you forgot Warren Snowdon.
Loyalty: Giving someone you despise a ministerial position because they have the power to bring down the government. Thus, "You have to admire Julia for her loyalty to Kevin."
Xenophobic demonising: Honouring election promises about asylum-seekers.
Allowing issues to be worked through: Secret meetings to decide how to break poll promises.
New era of government transparency: Full disclosure that these meetings will be held in secret.